Wednesday, April 18, 2007


It's true this won't be a blog exclusively about being a parent, but that doesn't mean being a parent isn't central to just about everything I do these days. With that in mind, it seemed fitting to introduce my favorite small person, Eli.

We gave Eli the Hebrew name Shalom Asher because we wanted nothing more for him than peace and happiness. In his 2+ years he's lived up to that name in spades. He is the calmest, most cheerful little soul I've ever encountered. He's sweet, he's forgiving, he's thoughtful, he's generous, he's funny, he's quirky, he's quick, he's skinny, he's smart, he's determined, and he's very much two.

Also, he's currently an only child. We've been working on changing that, but so far no dice. I got pregnant easily with Eli so we hoped for the same experience when it came time for #2. Nine months later, here we are, and no sibling. One advantage to being 40 is that the specialists will fast-track you when it comes to infertility so I'm now just finishing up the preliminary testing (Clomid Challenge and HSG) and I'll hope for answers in a couple of weeks. In the meantime I'm preparing my heart and my mind for every other possibility and I'm finding that I'm largely at peace with all of them.

I had this sudden flash a few days ago that not knowing if I'll conceive a second child is actually exciting. I don't mean to put a Pollyanna sugar coat on something that's not simple and certainly not easy, but I believe strongly that you can make your own reality. I choose to make this exciting. How? Well, think about it. If I conceived a second child like *that*, then whammo, my life is settled. A husband, a house in the 'burbs, two kids. No mystery there. But with a second conception in question, there are so many scenarios to mull over. We know we want a second child, but how will he or she arrive? Will we adopt? If we adopt, will it be a baby? Will it be soon? Will we adopt an older child? Maybe in five years? Or maybe we'll decide we don't want a second child after all and we'll be us three for the duration. It's an appealing thought, I have to admit. So I choose to see all of this as possibility and anticipation. It beats limitations and frustration any day.

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