I have real troubles.

I went to a birthday party with Eli this morning. The party was at an indoor playground and the group of us (about 10 families) had the run of the place. It gave me plenty of time to window shop off other people's bodies. Am I the only who does this? I don't have time to actually go to a store these days so I just look at what other people are wearing and if I like it enough, I ask them where they got it. Sometimes if I'm feeling shy I just memorize the details and - like some kind of ridiculous, expensive game - I google the heck out of some search terms and see if I can find it on its own. (Yeah, as I'm typing this, I think I probably am the only person who does this.)

In any case... this morning I wasn't feeling shy and one of the other moms had THE BAG I've been looking for. I didn't know that was the bag I was looking for until I saw it, but when I saw it, I knew it was it. The time has come, you see, for me to shed the diaper bag in favor of something a little more purse-like, a little less bulky. I can't go down to a cute little thing only big enough for a cell phone and a wallet (we haven't hit potty training yet, for goodness sake) but I can downsize from the cavernous Skip*Hop I've been carting around for the last two and a half years.

When I shop for something like a purse, I am picky. Very picky. I'm frugal (somewhat, anyway) so the thing has to be relatively timeless, or at least far enough from trendy that I won't look like a giant dork a year from now. It can't be flashy because I'm not changing bags every other day to coordinate with my outfits. And, for this particular purchase, it still has to be practical, with pockets and a strap I can use like a messenger bag. And, finally, above all else, it can't be frumpy because I get there pretty easily on my own, thankyouverymuch.

So there it was. The bag. I saw. I wanted. I hadn't chatted with this mom yet so I had to make a decision: to ask or not to ask. I sized her up. From what she was wearing I thought to myself, "I probably can't afford this bag." If she was going to tell me, "Oh, I got it at Neiman Marcus, on sale, only $380!" I just didn't want to know. But then I thought, "But I must have that bag. Must. Have." So I asked. The answer? The Gap! Score! I can do that! Even full price I could probably swing it. She said that her friend had it and she had to have it; they didn't have it in the stores anymore but she had ordered it on-line. My naptime plans were hatched.

With Eli snuggled cozy in his bed, I eagerly went to gap.com, credit card in hand. Click on "women." (Heart racing.) Click on "accessories." (Anticipation mounting.) Click on "handbags." (I can taste it!) Scroll, scroll.... DANGIT! No bag.

Head over to ebay. (Optimism waning.) Enter every possible combination of words like "Gap" "messenger" "canvas" "strap" "adjustable" "pockets." (Reality settling in.) DANGIT! Scroll, scroll, scroll some more, scroll again. No bag.

Head over to Old Navy, hoping they've done what they usually do and that some knock off exists there. (Enthusiasm fading.) And what we have at the top of this post is known as a "close but no cigar."

And with that, I have given up. Real troubles, I tell you. Real troubles, indeed.